his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
