We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
