I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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