i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
