It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
