Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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