I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
