TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
