would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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