Do you still have your period?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
