Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
