this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
