Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
