I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
