From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
