a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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