I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hippo gnu deer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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