Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
