I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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