Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
