I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
