I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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