he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
