does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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