forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
