I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
