Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
