Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
