see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
