they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
