she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
