How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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