I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I checked into jail on foursquare
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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