and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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