She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
