Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
