Do you still have your period?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
