real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
