So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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