We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
