Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
