Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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