They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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