i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
