I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
