remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
