I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
