I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
