i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
