you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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