I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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