Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
