someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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