And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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