I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
