I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
