I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
