I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
